Learning a New Way to Trust the Lord

With the breezy spring mornings upon us a few mornings ago, I enjoyed some fresh air coming through our home. Josh had left for the office, and our kids were still sleeping. Homeschool life these days has meant that they go to bed probably too late and wake up also probably too late. But I honestly haven’t minded the different pace in the morning, especially with all that is going on. I was able to spend some time with the Lord through my Bible Recap study that I’ve been doing with a group of teen girls. Then I played some worship music while I got the coffee going, laundry started, bed made, and all the things that come in a day. This morning was a beautiful reminder of the character of our God, his heart for his people, and the worship he deserves. I found myself being super reflective and a little teary thinking about the entire relationship Josh and I have shared together. My mind wandered through years of youth ministry together, our dating relationship and marriage, our time with our foster daughter, getting our pup Cocoa, and walking through the eventual and precious parenting years together of our two kiddos.

I had this wonderful, comforting realization that God has always been faithful and He always will be. Some dear friends, who walked through the heavy loss of their daughter a few years ago, gifted us a journal with their daughter’s favorite verse printed on the cover: “Don’t you be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. Yes, I will help you. Yes, I will uphold you with the right hand of my righteousness” (Isaiah 41:10). They encouraged us to do what they wished they had been better at doing in their grief: to journal ways we have seen the Lord at work, even through the pain and trials, to always remember who God is and that He is with us in the midst of all that is going on.

One night, about two weeks after Josh’s diagnosis, we took about 45 minutes as a family to write and reflect on this journey thus far. Addy and I took turns writing down ways we have seen the Lord use our circumstances for His glory. The list was already about 5 pages long over the course of two weeks. Now, several weeks in, there are countless ways our prayers are being answered. We are grateful for the friend who said, “I’m not asking, I’m telling you I’m going to be bringing you some meals this week to help out.” We’re overwhelmed by the kindness of a friend who drove from Idaho to come and pray with us before Josh’s MRI and CT Scan, and the sweet friend who delivered a hot meal to us after a long day of these tests. The numerous texts, phone calls, emails, and cards we’ve received saying that people are praying for us, and the hugs have meant the world. We have an incredibly supportive family who have been intentional in checking in and offering support, and our beautiful church body has wrapped us up in so much love and encouraging words. Sweet neighbors have given us hugs and shoulders to cry on and other friends have gifted us intentional books for our hearts and minds. And just today, Josh came home and showed me a GoFundMe page that a fellow pastor friend set up for us without us knowing about it. We are just so overwhelmed by all of this kindness.

I can’t imagine doing this alone, and my heart breaks for those who may not have that same support. No one should have to walk through scary diagnoses like cancer alone.

We have said that this is the month of “wait and see.” We’ve had appointments and tests and there’s a lull of waiting in between for plans to be made for treatment. We’re not sure what to plan exactly in our normal lives with our family and ministry, but we’re learning to trust the Lord in a new way through all of this. I’m so proud of my husband through all of this. He’s been a trooper through awkward tests and drinking strange solutions, and weird things happening to his body. We’re learning more about that whole “In sickness and in health” bit from our marriage vows, for sure!

Cancer is no respecter of persons. We were told by Josh’s surgeon recently that just five years ago, the treatment would have looked much different for his cancer. The reality is that we live in a world with brokenness, disease, and pain. None of this is God’s original heart for his creation. And this isn’t how the story will end.

As friends and family share scriptures with us, my sister-in-law, Abbie and I have written them down on watercolored paper. We created a wall in our dining room/kitchen of all of these scriptures for us to reflect on and be reminded of the truth. I’m doing my best to write them down as we receive them to add to our wall.

Prayer Points:

Please pray for health for our family as we have some colds going on and want Josh to be as good as he can before beginning chemo. So far Josh is safe!

Pray for details and scheduling to come together for chemo and that we can develop a rhythm before and after chemo that will be helpful for Josh and our responsibilities.

We found out today that Josh’s port for chemo will be put in on Monday, the 19th, and we suspect chemo will begin that week. We also learned yesterday that the chemo schedule will be once every other week, for twelve weeks. There’s a decent likelihood that surgery will be needed after that.

Please pray for doctors and nurses, technicians, secretaries, and everyone we come in contact with during this process. Pray that our witness will be consistent and one that points to the Holy Spirit at work in our lives, even through this.

Please pray for our kids as they are processing and will probably see their daddy go through some tough physical days with limitations they haven’t been used to seeing in him. Pray for Josh to mentally know that those limitations are for a season, and to know that He is loved by so many, not just for what he does, but for who he is. Pray for him to know that limitations are not a weakness, but yet another way that God can be glorified through his life, and that his life absolutely has meaning and significance, despite not being able to do his normal things.

Thank you for praying and for your incredible support. It truly means so much, and with our hope in the Lord, we are being sustained and held in such abundant ways.

Anna 🙂